Beth Vyse: Why were Rudolph and Blitzen left on the shelves over Christmas? Because they were just two dear.
Stewart Francis: How does Santa remember which chimneys he’s been down? He keeps a log.
Isy Suttie: How many donkeys does it take to change a light bulb? Donkeys don’t know what a light bulb is, and they’ve got hooves anyway. If you’re going to do one thing this Christmas, for God’s sake keep donkeys away from light bulbs.
Lou Sanders: Where do the showbiz elves go? Tinsel Town.
Stevie Martin from Massive Dad: What do you call a parson who has had a vasectomy? A parsnip
Adam Riches: What did the snowman detective say to his snowman partner to break the snowman gangster in the interrogation room? Grill him.
Joseph Morpurgo: Which Christmas carol is used in hospitals to rehydrate patients? The Holly and the IV.
Daphne: Where does Santa work out? Down the gymney.
Tim Key: Where does Father Christmas like to enjoy a mixture of badminton, horse-riding and subtropical swimming? Santa Parcs.
Kieran Hodgson: How do they vote in the Snowmen parliament? Ice to the right, snows to the left.
Rhys James: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, £5 on eBay.
Joseph Morpurgo: What’s the cheapest way to get around Bethlehem? Lidl donkey.
Lou Sanders: Knock knock. Who’s there? Father Christmas. Use the chimney, mate.